How to Stop Seeking Approval and Find True Happiness
In today’s world, it’s all too easy to feel tethered to the opinions of others. Social media, personal networks, and even our workplaces all seem to call for external validation. Yet, living life seeking approval from others can lead to a constant sense of inadequacy and dependence on feedback to feel whole. Instead, true contentment comes when we align our actions with genuine, internal values, rather than external affirmation. One powerful way to do this is by focusing on altruism, a path that some find spiritually fulfilling, bringing inner peace, and even a sense of reward from the universe or, in the case of Muslims, from their Creator.
Why Do We Seek Approval?
Seeking approval from others is a natural human tendency; it connects us to our need for acceptance and love. However, this need becomes problematic when we let it dictate our sense of self-worth. Relying on external validation creates a dependence on others’ opinions, making it difficult to stay grounded in who we are and what truly matters to us. Constantly looking for external gratification can lead to disappointment, stress, and anxiety, trapping us in a cycle of chasing something that, ultimately, will never provide lasting satisfaction.
Shifting Focus to Altruism
Rather than focusing on others’ approval, choosing to focus on altruism — helping others for the sake of kindness — brings a sense of fulfillment that is rooted in something deeper and more enduring. When we give of ourselves, we’re rewarded with a unique joy that can’t be matched by external praise or validation. This act of giving, whether it’s our time, resources, or talents, allows us to find meaning that originates from within and grows as we witness its impact on others.
Altruism doesn’t just help those around us; it helps us too. Studies show that helping others boosts our happiness, reduces stress, and creates a sense of purpose and contentment. Some believe that when we help others, we are rewarded by the universe, an idea that aligns with the principle that goodness begets goodness. For Muslims, this perspective takes on a spiritual dimension; they believe that acts of charity are rewarded by their Creator, with their good deeds recognized as acts of worship that ultimately lead to divine happiness.
Religions that Practice Giving
Muslims practice selfless giving in various forms, one of which is known as Lillah. So, what is Lillah? Lillah is a form of voluntary charity given purely for the sake of God, without seeking anything in return. Unlike Zakat, which is an obligatory form of charity, Lillah is voluntary and meant to be given at any time and to any cause the giver chooses. This act of giving isn’t about recognition or praise but is an act of faith, humility, and selflessness. Muslims believe that by giving in this way, they’re seeking divine approval rather than human validation.
The beauty of Lillah and similar acts of kindness is that they refocus our intent. When we give without expectation of anything in return, we’re no longer attached to what others think or how we’re perceived. Instead, we’re connected to a higher purpose, one that prioritizes the wellbeing of others and encourages us to cultivate a generous spirit. As a result, we find that we’re content and at peace, not because others have validated us, but because we have fulfilled a spiritual need to give and to do good.
Moving Beyond Approval to Inner Fulfillment
Breaking free from the need for external approval doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process of self-reflection, detaching from the idea that others’ opinions are what define us. One way to start is by recognizing the areas in our lives where we crave validation and gently refocusing these needs towards inner goals, like self-improvement, kindness, and empathy. For example, if we often look for compliments on our achievements, we can instead focus on how these achievements contribute to our growth or benefit others.
Ultimately, instead of striving for approval, try replacing it with acts of kindness — volunteer, help a friend, or even practice small daily acts of kindness that go unnoticed. When we shift our intent from seeking approval to helping others, we experience a deep-rooted happiness that doesn’t rely on others’ opinions but rather on the joy that comes from giving.
